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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Falling in Love, fighting for love, growing love.




I have earned this fair and square. I'm reminded that this blog is all about scraps that we share from our lives, past and present. Like sand on the ocean, our lives change daily. Sometimes the tides and the waves bring out more than we expect.








FALLING IN LOVE.

In the book of my youth, Love was an amazingly good looking man, athletic, smart, with money and means, dedicated to fighting evil and defend liberties.  He would find me immediately attractive and smart, and would not mind my foreignness, my inability to express my thoughts in English.  He would  see my soul, my honest upbringing, my modest ambitions.  What I wanted in a lover was defined on the silver screen, in the Charlston Heston character of Moses.  Or, the young man that fell in love with Gigi in the movie of the same name. A French Man of class.

I married a boy who had just moved next door, worked at the same place as my room mate, spent hours playing Dylan's records.  I noticed that he didn't try to get my attention; didn't try to impress me or my housemates.  He was a loner, a thinker, a lover of literature.  In few days, we found ourselves talking about this and that, running into each other for some thing or other, commenting about the neighborhood we had moved into, about the places we came from.  We played ping pong on the patio; we shared coffee and donuts at the place down the street; we walked together to the Italian restaurant at the corner.  For four weeks, we knew a lot about each other and we would be receiving that Honest Crap Award above.  ( I do appreciate that,btw.)

Six months later we were married.  I turned in my return ticket to Italy, and used that money for a small reception for the few friends and nuns I knew.  My uncle from Fresno gave me away, and my aunt and her children were the wedding party.  On my husband side, only three people, his father and stepmother, and his teen sister.  At the high mass, it dawned on me that I was marrying a non-Catholic and I asked God to forgive me. 

I knew everything that I needed to know about this man during those first six months before we married.  After that, every situation we encountered tested our appreciation for each other.  We were from two different worlds, literally and figuratively.  He came from a broken home, travelled all his life from one region to another, moved two, three times a year, and never called a place home. I wanted roots and stability; he wanted adventure and movement. I was a devout Catholic; he was an independent spirit.  I believed children needed rules and chores and achievable goals; he believed children needed freedom to explore, boundless access to resources, few rules and lots of passionate hobbies.  I believed in budgeting for tomorrow's unpredictable problems; he believed in living today to the fullest.

Our entire life together has been about compromise, adjustment.  I learned to be more adventurous and free; he has learned to settle down and put down roots.  Our retirement was no different. 

With a couple of exceptions.

(stay tuned....)

55 comments:

Renee said...

I prefer the man you picked than the one you thought you wanted.

I love these stories.

xoxox

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Simply beautiful!! This is indeed an eloquent description of a marriage of substance! I love this post! ~Janine XO

RNSANE said...

I hate to tell you the number of times I've married, each of short duration. I think you have done very well with the compromises, each bending a little ( perhaps, at times, more than a little ) and your children, I suspect, have been great beneficiaries of your differences. We are all so lucky to be sharing in your experiences now. Continue sharing with us. You are enriching our lives, you know.

Monkey Man said...

....and you stayed married. Amazing.

Brian Miller said...

too many people dont take the commitment seriously, keeping their seperate live, failing o let two grow into one...love these scraps! smiles.

Carol @ TheWritersPorch said...

This is such good reading! You write beautifully! :)

Elizabeth Bradley said...

Your story with your husband is quite different than mine with my husband, as we hold similar views on major issues, and even then marriage can be a bumpy road. Sounds like the love was glue in your case.

willow said...

The two of you sound like the perfect balance! Beautifully written.

Eva Gallant said...

I've been intrigued by your posts..wanting more each time; but I guess that's the intent. Bravo!

Debbie said...

I love your love story! Can't wait to hear about the exceptions.

Sarah Laurence said...

I never tire of seeing photos of your shore. How lucky you are to have married someone so special to share such a view.

Butternut Squash said...

It sounds like a well balanced relationship. Equal and respectful compromises just add a little adventure to the relationship. How boring it would be to marry a copy of oneself.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I'm liking this story. Thinking it is/was a very rich opportunity for your children.

PurestGreen said...

Wonderful post. I have really being enjoying these stories - well told with real depth and honesty.

staceyjwarner said...

What a wonderful story...I love that your marriage has worked and it is because you are different. This story gives me hope.

Much love

my word verication was "blessu"...LOL

Bogey said...

What a treasurable Love Story. Your silverscreen love, Louis Jourdan, has been married to his wife since 1944. Quite the parallel n'est pas? You and your husband have developed a true romanticism and a very worthwhile lesson to be shared. And thank you for that.

(Oh...I don't want to be a stick in the mud...but there is an 'S' in front of the CRAP.

Marguerite said...

omg- This sounds just like another marriage that I know well, except the with the odd couple in reverse! Great story!

Maggie May said...

This seemed a test right from the start! A great deal of adaptability is the only answer I think!
Love these instalments of bite sized chunks! Looking forward to the next.

Nuts in May

enchantedoak said...

I like the "fighting for love" part. That's what it sometimes seemed like, during some of the 18years of our fine, sweet marriage. But he had been married three times before me, and I married twice before him, and we had made a vow: We will not run, stuff our feelings, or lie to each other. You and your honey are inspiring.
This was exquisite reading.
Chris A

ds said...

I agree with everyone else: love this(!) and can't wait to read more. Portrait of a Marriage, beautifully told (adjustments and all). You are holding us all spellbound. Thank you.

Nancy said...

I married my opposite, too. Much the same as you, we have taught each other over the last 29 years. Thank you for sharing.

Natalie said...

What a terrific love story, Rosaria. Thanks for sharing. :D

ellen abbott said...

Long term marriage is not without some terrifically challenging times. 'Fighting for love', indeed. Figuratively and literally. In my own marriage, I am 'head in the clouds', he is 'feet on the ground'.

I'm enjoying these very much.

Hit 40 said...

Love grows together with time. My husband and I have become closer and closer with each setback or triumph together.

Lyn said...

Loving these stories-- heartfelt!

Lori ann said...

I think your both very lucky, it's a wonderful love story.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I'm stopping over from Eddie Bluelights'. Thanks for your kind comment on my Sunday Roast. I really appreciate it.

It is a pleasure to be a new follower of yours. Your writing is wonderful. I just spent about 30 minutes looking around and will be back again very soon. It's nice to meet you. You have a great outlook on life!

Journaling Woman said...

The first passion of love is not so real. It may be full of spark and adventure, but is not a snapshot of what there is to come. And we can't just act and react on those feelings. It's evidence of time that has proven your relationship.

He stayed. You stayed. There is love.

Kathleen said...

Sounds like Mr. B and me only with roles reversed! I'm looking forward to hearing the rest. We so rarely hear about how people make marriages last! Thank you!

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

Each present day is a past tomorrow.

Moannie said...

Yes, yes yes! All that is good all that is worthy-compromise, forgiveness, understanding and love. Beautiful.

Reya Mellicker said...

This is so beautiful. You two managed to bring the best of both worlds together. I'm so impressed that you made it work.

You're ... foreign? Italian??

Reya Mellicker said...

Just caught up a little bit. You're Italian! Wow, the things I don't pick up from reading blogs. Wow.

LOVE this series of posts. Wow and wow and WOW!!

Angela Recada said...

It seems tome that you married your best friend. I did, too, and am so glad I waited for him.

Marrying someone you can call your best friend certainly helps a couple get through all those ups and down we encounter over the years. It makes compromise much easier.

You sound like such a wonderful couple.

the walking man said...

Oh that book of youth and the writing of it can lead so many different chapters in different ways.

Sunil Gupta said...

Good blog and Nice posting.
Priya | True Hindi Love Story

Gaston Studio said...

Beautifully written Rosaria and such "honest scrap"! Can't wait to read more about the compromises you both have made.

Renee said...

I'm still laughing how you married a non-Catholic and asked for forgiveness.

Wahid is Moslem and when we got married he had to sign a paper saying we would raise the kids Catholic (and we did).

I practiced my faith, he didn't.

Love Renee xoxo

Ribbon said...

I love and enjoy your blog very much and your blog is you :)

That was a great read filled with valuable information.

thank you
x Ribbon

Margo said...

what a fabulous love story. I can't wait to hear more! More scraps!

Velva said...

This was a great story! I loved it!

Jennifer said...

I could sit and listen to you all day. I really appreciate your sharing.

The Things We Carried said...

This is much like my husband and me. We are different in many ways and have often sought the same ground. Raising children brings out so many differences. I am the restless on here though. OMgosh, I was so surprised to read this.

Unseen Rajasthan said...

This is simply a beautiful article to read !!I loved the post and shot too !! Thanks for sharing..

Lydia said...

Thank you for visiting my blog and kind comments there. Sure am pleased to know of your blog and to have read this wonderful story. My husband is my opposite in many ways and it's comforting to know that it can work! I shall return to read more. :)

Dedene said...

Ohhh, how romantic! I can't wait for the next chapter.

lakeviewer said...

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts. Some of you are new here. Welcome. From the first comment from Renee:

1. I prefer the man you picked...

To the last comment from Dedene:

2. Ohh, how romantic....

You all captured what was on my mind. Writing does that; it allows us to explore our feelings and beliefs and by sharing, we discover the nuances that we hadn't thought about.

You all taught me something new about myself and about my marriage:

A--How romantic, you said. Yes, it followed classic patterns of conflict and resolution, with a happy ending: we are still in love, and together. This must be our mind's way to capture long narratives, extreme situations are collapsed into that final moment where the crossed lovers are back in each other's arms. We need that resolution to feel happy.

B--When all is said and done, it is easy to pick up the threads of a narrative, the pieces of a life. Yes, Renee, my good friend, you would understand this because you live it more vividly than any of us. We want things when we are young. Sometimes, we keep wanting them for ever. In my case, I gave up my family in Italy with the decision to marry. When things were difficult, my heart looked back to what might have happened if I hadn't made that decision.

The decision to stay in America made all other decisions fall into place.

But, at this time in my life, the nice thing about being older is this: you have a long arc, with lots of experiences. It is a joy to see that my life was rich and productive, that I gained in other arenas, that I made a good life for myself and my family.

The stuff I regret creeps in my fiction pieces.

Thanks again.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I absolutely loved every bit of this post. What a grad story the two of you have.

AnotherQ said...

This was beautiful. Thanks for sharing this.

Sophia said...

What an incredible story!! wow! Beautiful. Thank you for sharing yet another part of your life with us. :)

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

I am following this with a bit of melancholy but still intrigues me to know what "glue" is and how you and he fight for love...this would be a great book and it's great poetry...

kanishk said...

Simply beautiful!! This is indeed an eloquent description of a marriage of substance. Work From Home

Dave said...

Lakeviewer, that's marriage. When two people are so different I feel that is the basis for a sound marriage. My wife Jill and I are so different but we have been happily married for 45 years. Well done to both of you! - Dave (New Zealand)

marc aurel said...

Well told. Leaves me looking forward to more. How did each of you get on with your in-laws? How did your children react to each of you? If you want to tell the story, it will be very interesting.
Many don't want to tell, still fewer know how to.

Anonymous said...

lovely.