Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Learning to do nothing: Part Two
"How many weeks? Stop counting*
The days flow, stopped only by trips to get this and that . Mostly, we need to make this place accept us, show us the rythms and the tides.
"The Ocean pounds-sometimes incessantly rushing to shore like a freight train changing tracks-the same sound the freeway behind our old house made day and night.
"We are purchasing more stuff than we need, trappings of our old lives, to feel comforted again. We bought a bedroom set at a whim. Massive headboard and footboard, two dressers, side tables. Do not need all this. Clothes, we gave that all away. We need sturdy stuff for this place, from shoes to coats.
"I have this tingling feeling that we rushed into this and other decisions. Hubby hates lists and schedules. I feel better when I have a list, checking things off, feeling a sense of accomplishement. But, with no lists, I feel like a kid again, free to jump in and enjoy what's in front of me. This part I enjoy.
"I feel guilty only on one account:not feeling guilty. Seems that I want to like like this-no responsibilities, no agendas, no appointments. Our days are filled with things we want to do.
"What I miss: Barnes and Noble, Nordstrom Rack, Milano, P.F.Chang, Gelson, Western Bagels, The Hollywood Bowl, The Music Center, Museums, Live music venues.
"What I now have: Ocean, lake, gardens, ability to walk everywhere in town, ability to leave the house unlocked all day and all night, clean air, quiet streets, privacy, birds, racoons, deer, turkey and assortedfowl. I don't even know the names of all the trees, bushes and animals around."