Pages

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

A new start in late Autumn.




Some things never change; some things are constantly changing. The sun, the ocean, the mountains appear permanent and fixed compared to the lives of crabs, birds, insects, man.  While everything around us was turning inside out and upside down, all of which was most welcome, we were changing in ways neither of us had predicted.  The "us" were my husband and I, married 43 years, almost divorced a dozen times.  We found ourselves playing at the Ocean as the girls in this picture, with  abandon and joy, feeling as though we just met, late January 1966.

With each major change in our lives, we had been bruised badly. We blamed the world and each other. Silently. I even had a few escape clauses in my pocket. If I divorced, I would move back to Italy with the children, find a job, save like heck to send them back to visit their father, and would worry. Worry that they would miss their father, their culture and their language so much that they would choose to live with him. I would then grow old and bitter and blame myself for everything. 

These thoughts were present after each argument, after each misunderstanding.

After forty years, arguments bruise less and less. We learn to predict when the other is too tired, or too worried. We learn to stay out of the wind and the rain whenever possible.  We give in to the other's need even when our need is all we could feel.

The need to be together became stronger than the need to be right. 

This new stage of life in retirement had its own brand of challenges. We were about to learn more about each other, more about habits.

Mostly, we rediscovered  Joy.


...stay tuned...more to follow... joy, pleasure, cooking from scratch........................

33 comments:

ellen abbott said...

I'm really enjoying your journey.

Ha! my verification word is 'route'.

Carol @ TheWritersPorch said...

I love this story!:)

Renee said...

Rosaria these writings of yours are a blessing for us.

Thank you for writing so beautifully and being so wise.

Love Renee xoxo

Marguerite said...

I love this, "The need to be together became stronger than the need to be right". A prerequisite for happiness in any marriage.

staceyjwarner said...

This a poignant look at love and relationship.

Happily ever after is letting go of the need to be right. This is my current lesson...

much love

Maggie May said...

It is going to be a good story, that much is clear!

Nuts in May

kerrycharacters said...

I loved reading your thoughts. I am 41 and a long way off retirement but your story is inspirational. A teacher once told us at school, "If I only teach you one thing it is this; there are times you may be right, times it would feel good to say I told you so but one of the greatest things to know is when to not say anything. "I carry that lesson with me still and the long-term rewards are greater. I will continue to follow your journey. Thanks,

Diana said...

Lovely, lovely, lovely!

I have nothing like the longevity with my husband that you have, and yet this is reflective of our path together.

Eva Gallant said...

You describe a long marriage so well. It could be my own marriage that you are writing about. The thoughts are universal.

√ Abraham Lincoln said...

Nice post. I enjoyed it a lot.

Dimple said...

Very good story, I think you are finding out the answer to your blog's question. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Elise said...

How lovely...

Sharon McPherson: AUTHOR / ARTIST said...

Just beautiful: Sometimes it is too easy not to care enough about a relationship. I myself have been guilty of that. I listen to what you say ...

I have presented you with an award on my blog. I hope you like it. :)

Elizabeth Bradley said...

Forty years, so much time, so little time.

Lianne said...

"The need to be together became stronger than the need to be right." You have completely captured what a loving, long term relationship is all about. Beautiful. And as for the cooking from scratch, just let me know if you need any string for trussing -- I have a whole ball :-)

RNSANE said...

Rosaria, how much I look forward to each and every one of your posts, with all its insight and wisdom. You portray struggles, which you have survived, always with a sense of humor and caring. I think you are an incredible lady and I am so happy to have met you and to be sharing retirement with you.

Brian Miller said...

really a beautiful journey...being together was more important than being right...amazing!

Ribbon said...

Rosaria this is very generous and I appreciate all that you are sharing.

best wishes filled with love
Ribbon :)

Lyn said...

What a poignant portrait of life after ... after the kids are gone; after you are retired; after you are left alone, together, without insulation or buffer. It seems as though this is a point in your life that you are finally comfortable in your own skins - and in your relationship. Comfortable ... lots to look forward to.

m. heart said...

How encouraging to read of a relationship that's weathered the storms, when so many don't.

Bogey said...

It takes more courage to weather the storm than it does to give up and perish. At the end of the storm, the skies always appear brighter than the clouds that surrounded you. A very valuable lesson for everybody.

Trish and Rob MacGregor said...

Sounds like you have a memoir here, Lakeviewer!

Cinnamon said...

I am happy for you- that 'the need to be together became stronger than the need to right'. Wise words :)

Lori ann said...

I'm glad this story is having a happy ending :)

ds said...

So much wisdom...thank you.

Journaling Woman said...

Beautiful.

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

"The need to be together became stronger than the need to be right."

A good number of years ago, I attended a workshop that asked, "Do you rather be happy or right." - Yes, we learn that 'right' is relative to our own need or interpretation, to be happy, we step beyond the 'relative' to Truth.

So take an extra HUG from me to you and yours.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

"We learn to predict when the other is too tired, or too worried. We learn to stay out of the wind and the rain whenever possible."

Very well put, 32 years in myself. Not to say it is still always rosy. Just less rotty rosy, if you know what I mean.

Nancy said...

I'm so glad you found joy in each other and the move that you made. I do believe that we learn to stay out of each other's way after so many years of reaping the consequences of not leaning into their space at the wrong time. I really don't think I would ever marry again if anything happened to my husband. I like it comfortable too much. Can't wait for the next installment.

the walking man said...

I have simply learned to stay out of the way. It works well when the leaf lives with the wind.

Tiffany Norris said...

"The need to be together became stronger than the need to be right."
Thank you--I needed this today.

The Things We Carried said...

Rosaria,

I appreciate this series you are doing very much. I recognize this rythm in my own marriage to good man for nearly 27 yrs.

kanishk said...

Thank you for writing so beautifully and being so wise. Work From Home