Did you know that when you left your home it
was for the last time
that your special nick- name was dropped
and you had to wear a new badge
and that your family
your toys
your language
your food
your friends
your very identity were no longer yours?
Did you know what Allegiance meant?
Stranded between what you were and what you would become, your journey took decades, continued in your children and grandchildren for centuries in the future.
Did you know that when and if you returned to visit you would be branded with the brand of the new place, though that brand didn't fit you right? That everyone would never share with you again the stories of olden days since you were no longer able to remember such days?
Did you know you would be shunned for daring to leave the others behind?
Did you know you would be shunned for not sounding at all the way the new others sounded?
Did you know that an A student could suddenly become a D student?
Did you know that you would become stranded even at Disneyland?
was for the last time
that your special nick- name was dropped
and you had to wear a new badge
and that your family
your toys
your language
your food
your friends
your very identity were no longer yours?
Did you know what Allegiance meant?
Stranded between what you were and what you would become, your journey took decades, continued in your children and grandchildren for centuries in the future.
Did you know that when and if you returned to visit you would be branded with the brand of the new place, though that brand didn't fit you right? That everyone would never share with you again the stories of olden days since you were no longer able to remember such days?
Did you know you would be shunned for daring to leave the others behind?
Did you know you would be shunned for not sounding at all the way the new others sounded?
Did you know that an A student could suddenly become a D student?
Did you know that you would become stranded even at Disneyland?
18 comments:
kinda scary...i remember being on a trip to coal contry...and wondering why people did not just leave when the coal dried up...as opposed to living in poverty...but then again those that did were then looked at differently
The hero's (or in this case the heroine's) journey is full of challenges, detours, distractions and those who don't want you to embark. But embark you must. Your D is turning into an A, and you will be rewarded an E ticket at DIsneyland for your courage.
The learning curve is so steep that I Sometimes felt as if I was being battered by a whirlwind -- and yet the language was supposedly the same. My first visit back to the States was how unfamiliar the 'familiar' was...
A sweeping survey of no's. No. No. No. This is how it is. I am learning my dreams, my needs, my story touches everyone's who loves me... And it is not easy on any of us, and yet it must be as it is. And some of it is beautiful, and some of it hurts, and some of it is awe inspiring and then there is the occasional grief. At least these are the things I didn't know, when I suddenly I found I had to leave home.
Every line you wrote holds a story. It is the outline of a life and all the nuances we cannot anticipate but they matter/ed.
To your question :), she is 9. 9!! And she is every bit as amazing to me as she has been from the very first. Thank you for asking!
oh, yes, fear of the new, fear of the unknown, fear of the different even when the different is still the same, just altered a bit. good post.
Courage was the first word I thought of when I read this- you're brave! But now I understand better what you're describing here and so I also acknowledge the price you've paid. You have my admiration and respect. Surely writing poetry in another language is the highest and most difficult, nuanced use of language. (Somehow when your other blog stopped I missed this one. I'm so sorry but glad to find it!)
yes, yes, yes.
I know it now, I didn’t know it then.
I am a stranger in all lands.
I enjoy reading your perceptions about coming to the US and/or returning home because mine are so different. We both came to the US from Europe but we have totally different views. Luckily from the start I went back to Paris often, and as my parents grew older, I went back twice a year for decades, so I never felt that I had really left Paris plus I talked to my mum on the phone every week. I read a comment in your last post telling about the writer’s admiration for immigrants who came to the US and worked hard, etc. I feel silly because I did not come to the US for that, my life would have been a lot easier if I had stayed in Paris, at least financially, I came for “adventure” – not every immigrant who comes to the US is evading a hard life. Plus my English (my 3rd language) was OK – I had gone to college in England and passed the Cambridge exams successfully. But with little English I guess it would not be so easy. Your English now is superior to many native speakers.
Stranded in Disneyland--Rosaria they won't even sell me a ticket to Disneyland (as if I would buy one) because I know them, and know they no longer fit in reality, have no space in my place in the world beyond the gates of the cleaned up park that is where I once was from.
Writing this brought back so many moments I had forgotten. Though I've written a blog about my early days (when i was your age) the intensity of feelings in reflecting about those days gets deeper and deeper with each day.
This is my life, all of it, and what I learned about my actions I can pass down to my children and grandchildren.
Thanks for sharing your reactions with me.
These are all the things you faced when you came to America. I'm cheering for you on the sidelines!
I have moved country and house so often that to me each one has been a new adventure. My last move though to France has probably been the best, though the most difficult as it is the only country I have lived in that does not have English as one of their main languages. I have a bad memory and trying to learn French has been more than a challenge. I will never get there, but I do get by, and we have more French speaking friends than English. Have a great weekend. Diane
I have moved country and house so often that to me each one has been a new adventure. My last move though to France has probably been the best, though the most difficult as it is the only country I have lived in that does not have English as one of their main languages. I have a bad memory and trying to learn French has been more than a challenge. I will never get there, but I do get by, and we have more French speaking friends than English. Have a great weekend. Diane
Better to be stranded in Port Orford than in Disneyland. After having been rescued from Disneyland, you might suffer disney spells for some time. From having been in an artificial environment for too long.
Blessings and Bear hugs, rosaria!
Better to be stranded in Port Orford than in Disneyland. After having been rescued from Disneyland, you might suffer disney spells for some time. From having been in an artificial environment for too long.
Blessings and Bear hugs, rosaria!
Yes. I did not experience this precisely ( though a version of it, sure), but I know that my grandparents, especially my grandfather, did and that it caused great pain. You are a woman of great talent and courage Rosaria. Never doubt that. Not even (especially not even) at Disneyland!
It seems the older I get the harder it is to leave the familiar paths. But then I pretty much always been that way....:)
Disneyland with time and the perception of our memories, changes unbeknownst to us. We live, change, become, regress, digress, and when we wish to return to our home, we find that it has moved...
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