It's Fall, and the rains have not arrived yet. Everything is drying, except the morning fog over the ocean and the lake. Lights from crab boats bob through the night on the Ocean, like stars in the sky. Overhead, the sky is calm. Winds are soft whispers.
This is a false lull.
We're anticipating furious storms any day now, storms that will shut us in the house for hours and days. Newkie, our new cat, will be shocked at the violence of the winds. She'll have to become an indoor cat exclusively.
We've been on curvy and treacherous roads since July. Literally.Metaphorically. Roads with names like Shock, Grief, Funeral, Memorial, Probate, District Attorney, Crime Unit Investigations. We are tired and worn out. We sleep poorly. Our patterns have changed. Our foundation has shifted.
There will be a next stage.
But, as in an earthquake, the next stage is the mess you alone deal with. Everybody else will have moved on. You deal with the clean up, the re-building, the healing.
As long as you have life, you will have stages.
Like seasons, they each bring new perspectives and new challenges.
24 comments:
i am sure when it is time you will navigate that next season...seasons do come on a regular basis...
I remember that next stage, after I lost my daughter. When others necessarily moved on. Had I not had the friends I had and, back then, my sister still, I would have been lost I think.
I used the bleakness of November, actually, to help me, reminding myself that this was the time my part of the world's living things hunkered down and/or slept. I let the winds bite deep to exorcise some of my pain.
We each heal in our own way, in our own time. May the love of those who do not move on when dealing with YOU help you through.
All compassion to you. Thank you for sharing this. It isn't easy, I would think.
My word verification is "Sting." I somehow think that is a good word for some of the next phase as well...
You've had some violent out-of-season personal storms this year, Rosaria. And while the clean-up feels very solitary, please know our thoughts and prayers are with you each step of the way.
Dear Rosaria,
You have been heavy on my mind these last months ... I've been sitting at my computer for quite some time this morning composing comment after comment after comment. Finding it difficult to press 'publish your comment.' Everything I write sounds so inadequate.
Please know I care.
Maybe hunkering down will give you the rest and renewal that your spirit needs. I wish you well.
Rosaria, I wish for you all of the above. Love, hugs, & prayers.
The snow will shortly cover the grime and make magic with everything. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I'm hoping by the Spring that you might start to feel better but it is bound to take time and the relief/release comes a tiny bit at a time, different for everyone.
I think you need to batten down the hatches and see the storm through for this winter. See how things are in the Spring & if thats too big a chunk, work through the day hour by hour.
God Bless.
Maggie X
Nuts in May
As you talk about actual storms, violent wind, I know you live in a very different climate than I do. In every other way, I can't recognize your world enough to reply with words that mean anything. But, that you are here writing, and writing so beautifully, makes me believe you will work your way through.
To say that you are in my prayers just sounds so trite..but I know your followers truly care and I wish I could give you a hug and have some time to just sit and listen. Thank you for letting us share in this difficult time and send words of love to you and your family.
You wrote is so beautifully and you described it so perfectly. I learned from you Rosaria. Thank you.
Love to you Rosaria and I hope you survive this season in excellent company. The sun will shine again, maybe not quite the same, but it will shine. xo
To Everything there is a season
and a time to every purpose, under Heaven... Peace and hugs to you.
Rosaria, I feel like you're a friend--I relate so much to your beautiful writing. I would highlight some words but they are all so beautiful and meaningful.
My experience was such that things are never ever the same, but we learn how to go on and find peace again. It takes time.
For some reason, I am looking forward to this winter. We too, become trapped inside here with the Oklahoma storms and snows and freezes. I need to find a cat soon.
Warmth & Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
> < } } ( ° >
There's no right season to be grieving. Hope this winter provides some comfort and joy as well as wind and rain.
Rosaria, I'm so sorry that the times for you have been in such an upheaval...it's the worst thing to lose a child. You've been through so much this year. You seem to use nature as a metaphor and a bellwether for the times ahead as well as for the present.
Continued blessings and Bear hugs in a very unsettling time. With lots of "stormy weather."
I hope your cozy home with a cat curled up at your feet will warm your heart through the gray winter ahead. I wish you peace.
Those of us who share your neighborhood and its seasons, will ride the storms with you. We will all survive, for we've been through these winters before and even learned to appreciate the powers of nature. Call on us. You know I love a cleansing walk in the rain.
You have endured such violent personal storms recently. Nobody can know the depth of your grief and the timetable for healing to the point where calmness prevails once again. You're an incredibly strong woman, Rosaria. You'll weather this storm too. I just hate that you have to go through it.
G'day Rosaria. I have no doubt that you will ride out this storm and that calm will settle at some stage. Across the stormy seas from Australia, my thought are with you. Take care. Liz...
I have come to dread the seasons from November to March. I seems all life slows to an ebb or stop. I
I lost a number of my family in these months, including parents.
We are older and cope with more difficulty our own infirmities.
I find it hard to be Merry at the celebratory holidays, but I am always thankful for everything with which we have been given and blessed, as I know you are.
I identify so much with what you have written. With so many other storms like ill health or finances, you have a strong desire to win, to overcome it. With this one, there is no will. There is no goal. I try to tell myself that the rebuilding is lonely and hard because it is something that nobody else can do for you. But it doesn't make it any easier.
Please keep me updated and let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help.
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