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Friday, August 12, 2011

What lives on...

We live on in each other's memories, each other's stories and images. We live on and on and on...
I think about all the people I've known, all the people I've loved, and not a day passes when I don't feel them around me, a hand on my shoulder, a smile directed at me, a look from their faces to remind me of how we were together, how we touched each other's lives.

We have a tough time with death.
We have difficulty with the concept of Ending.
The place is dark and airless.

We become obsessed with grief.
We tend to retreat from others.

Yet, a sketch like this one, shared by a friend, brings smiles and wink=wink-knowledge of the good times, images we can embrace to get us to a more solid path.

Thank you to all Brian's and Janet's friends who came by the house day after day to make the garden a reality. Thank you to all of you who joined us at the Memorial Plank Ceremony.  Thank you to those of you who left kind words to soothe our soul. Thank you to those of you who contributed money/resources to make the garden a reality. The experience that Janet, his fiance, had envisioned, became a beautiful reality. The coming together of friends and families who go back to kindergarten days in Woodland Hills was most healing.

Your love helped us deal with the dark place of Ending.

We are back in Oregon as of this posting, with Newkie, Brian's cat. She cuddles up nicely, and enjoys our company. We haven't even unpacked the many boxes we took with us, boxes that contain a rich and meaningful life.
We are safe for now, among friends.
We'll forge ahead, one small step at a time.

(If you want to see pictures of the Memorial Garden, visit me or Janet Lee, or Brian Williams on Facebook)

41 comments:

Food, Fun and Life in the Charente said...

I am so sorry I have missed some of your posts and have only just discovered the tragedy in your life now. My thoughts are with you all.

Death leaves a heartache
No one can heal;
Love leaves a memory
No one can steal

Take care, Diane

Helen said...

Dear Rosaria,
I have returned to Oregon only to read the devastating news of Brian's death. I have no words of comfort ... I try to write them ... they feel inadequate.

Just know you are in my heart ....
Love,
Helen

Snappy Di said...

Day by day by day. {{{Hug}}}

Brian Miller said...

((rosaria)) you have been on my mind quite a bit the last couple days...you still haveour thoughts and prayers...

Dawn said...

I've been thinking of you on a regular basis. I hope you can feel my hug. And I love your words....it's a comfort to us as well.

Angela said...

I found your comment on Natalie`s blog and have come here to find out what happened. Oh my God, you lost your son. There is nothing I can say but that I feel your loss as mine. Please let me hug you, even if we have not talked for a while, Rosaria. I am a mother, too, that is enough. May his soul be blessed.

Linda said...

Hi Rosaria,
Yes, the concept of ending is difficult indeed. Yet, the memories and what we make of them don't end for us - as you know.
It is good you all have the garden to go back to, and to walk in, and to remember fondly in.
Still, an ending is ever so hard. My thoughts continue to be with you.

Linda Myers said...

Thinking of you.

The garden is such a good idea.

potsoc said...

Yes, we live on, and, and on...Nice to see you springing back.

Eva Gallant said...

I'm glad that your are healing and perhaps finding a little solace from what must be an unbelievable pain. Hugs.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

You have been in my thoughts and prayers every day since you shared the tragic news of Brian's death, Rosaria. I'm so glad that you have felt the love all around you and have the comfort of that wonderful garden and Brian's sweet cat. I know there are no words that can heal the pain of this terrible loss, but I hope it helps to know that so many people are holding you in their hearts.

ellen abbott said...

Welcome home.

cheshire wife said...

Good to see you back. I am pleased that you feel you can return to blogging.

Pat transplanted to MN said...

Oh Rosaria, I have just started to catch up on blog reading and I see that you have joined a club membership in which , none of us ever wants--parents who have lost adult children., My very deepest sympathies to all of you and to you, his mother. There is no heartache in the world like this. We lost our son in 2008 and sharing still brings tears. I can say from our journey that eventually, one day the sting will not be as sharp and the taste will not be as bitter. You will put one foot in front of the other and remember all the good times. I am so very sorry. I recommend a wonderful support group, Compassionate Friends; there may be a chapter near you or you can look on line.

oceangirl said...

Your words are beautiful Rosaria, your picture is amazing, life does go on and that itself is a blessing.

Roberta said...

You have been missed. I know you are suffering so much. Be well. We are all still here.

She Writes said...

I have been thinking of you all. It is good to hear the garden became a reality!


xxamy

janis said...

prayers continue my dear blog friend.
Love to you and your family. and special love to sweet Newkie♥

becky said...

Rosaria, I'm so glad you were able to send a message to those who are in your corner, wishing you the best, hoping for your healing, and glad to have you here in the world of the living.

Our thoughts are always with you, dear friend.

yaya said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts while you go through this dark time. I hope that peace will be with you now that you are home again and sweet memories of Brian will comfort you. The garden is such a wonderful idea.

quilterliz said...

G'day Rosaria. I missed out on so much with the move and no computer. I didn't know what had happened when I just read your blog. I send my condolences across the many, many miles that seperate us,to you and your family.I have no great words of wisdom to tell you, only that I and so, so many others are thinking of you. Take care. Liz...

Jane said...

A particulate truth of the big bang,
The universal birth
Of earth and all it can hold,
Elementally told:
What is now became then, and may forever
Be again.

For atoms remain: in green bone or grain
Atoms intestate,
Reincarnate: ash, blast or rot,
It matters not.
Atomic psalms sing mass from burned earth
And cut grass.
[Stark revelation: this bread, this wine, give
Absolution,
And all that has ever been
Remains to be seen:
The only infinity is seeded
In mortality. ]

For rationally we know: the sole after-life
Is that which here
When we are finished and gone
Carries on.
Only that is true, and yet that too
May prove finite.

Rattlebox

LindyLouMac in Italy said...

Still thinking of you as you go through this difficult time and I will most certainly be viewing the photos next time I pop over to FB. Take Care.

Suz said...

I think of you daily and pray every night for you
glad you are back home...take it easy
and yes, it is one footstep at a time
on a different path

Z said...

I know that I'd want to retreat, and I know that isn't a good thing to do. I think of you and your family often with love and sympathy, and I hope that the knowledge that people all over the world, who will never meet you, care for you in your sadness and grief will bring some comfort.

ds said...

I am glad that the garden became a reality. And I am glad to see you back. One step at a time; one day at a time. You remain in my thoughts, with a hug (or two).

Diana said...

Somehow I managed to miss your previous post...I have no words, just love from my heart to yours and lots of prayers.

Retired English Teacher said...

Yes, you are so right. We do live on in each other's memories. It is so wonderful when friends of the child we have lost to death share a photo, or as you shared with us, a sketch, that we have never seen before. We are comforted being reminded of the richness of friendship that our loved one had.

I'm so glad the garden has been such a success.

Take care as you continue on your journey. Know that many of us in the blog community care and send you love and good wishes.

Hilary said...

You and yours are on my mind often. I'm glad the garden has worked out. Big hugs to you, Rosaria.

Maggie May said...

Its times like this when you find out who your true friends are. I'm glad so many are helping with the garden & that you are managing your sad loss.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

RNSANE said...

My dear Rosaria,

I don't know how one ever recovers from the loss of a child. My nursing school classmate and friend just died last week - her daughter was murdered over thirty years ago, at the age of 11, and Carol was never the same since.

The loss of your son, Brian, just makes me think of my own three adult sons and want to hold them ever closer. You just think nothing can happen to them..but it can.

I am so sorry, Rosaria, and my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope the love of all who care for you can help a little as you move onward.

Vagabonde said...

I think about you often Rosaria and I know that many other blogging friends of yours think about you too. If we could all stop your pain we would but this is such a great loss – your love and memories won’t be lost but will live in you and your family. It is good to read your post and know about the beautiful garden. Hugs, VB

NitWit1 said...

Thanks for the update; I have been away for over a week myself.

And the kitty will be a warm and fuzzy companion to remind you too of Brian.

So glad the garden became a reality so quickly.

rosaria said...

So kind of you to stop by. Thanks for your support and kind words.

Joani said...

You have been on my mind. Always looking for a post. So glad you are here. One step and one day at a time. Hugs.

♥ Braja said...

You're a sensible, clear, brave, and practical woman, Rosaria....time heals the pain, but that only sounds like a cliche. Talk soon...oxoxo

Scriptor Senex said...

So sorry to hear of Brian's death. My thoughts are with you and your family and Janet. The memorial garden is such a lovely idea and I wish the plants well.

rosaria said...

Thanks, everyone.

Phoenix said...

I am so deeply, sorry for your loss. I won't pretend to have any truly comforting words to say at a time like this, but just know that you are in my thoughts.

Smitty said...

Stopping by to see you are back to home, healing home... It is good that your adopted kitty is with you too. A healing time for all of you ...

That Janie Girl said...

Going to visit the garden, which is by far one of the best ideas I've ever seen.

Keep breathing, Rosaria. Thinking of you.