Pages

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Getting Away




Retirement is different things to different people.
Hubby and I did not know what we wanted for our golden years. We never talked about it during our working years, too busy to keep everything else straight and on task. The one thing we had agreed on was that if we moved away from our children,  the place had to appeal to them too, so they'd drop by and spend time with us.

We wanted to downsize and simplify our lives.
We wanted fewer possessions to go along with fewer needs.
We wanted solitude and natural beauty.

 We could not afford Malibu, or its neighboring suburbs. We actually started out in the hills of Malibu, visiting those beautiful beaches every weekend we could getaway. When we looked for a place to relocate, Malibu and all other towns in California were out of our reach.

So, we kept going North, as in moving to Oregon.

The greenery and the remoteness became very attractive. Hubby commented that it felt like "going home" for him, a child of the Northwest for most of his formative years. I had never seen so much greenery; so many rivers and forests and unspoiled beaches. I did not know people could exist in such tiny hamlets.

We kept looking for a place that would feel like a vacation spot.  We took many pictures on our first foray, and back home, we shared  these vistas with our grown children and friends. We became the envy of everyone even before we retired.

Yes, indeed, we were satisfied with our quest for a vacation place that everyone would love to come and visit us.
Only, to reach us, our children and friends had a long way to go.
Too long.
Long enough that dropping in unannounced would never be the case.

After twelve years, we still love our place. Only, our children don't come up to visit us that often; and we do miss seeing them. We got what we wanted at a price we didn't know we had to pay.

16 comments:

joeh said...

My children are spread all over the country and even the closest, 1 1/2 hr away will not visit often. Of course I live in boring NJ, but point is they have their own life. Makes the occasional visits all the better.

Helen said...

With a son in Minneapolis, another in Denver I feel incredibly blessed to have a son and daughter here in Bend! Finding our place in this world isn't easy sometimes ... but hopefully worth it.

Marty Damon said...

I agree with joeh. When I think back to when my in-laws were alive and 1/2 hour away we would go for a month without getting together. In our younger days we were wrapped up in out lives.
Now, son lives 1 1/2 hour away, daughter and family 4 hours. Guess who I see more often?
Probably because we/they have to consciously make plans to see each other, whereas with son he/we think we can be more spontaneous, which we never are.

Patrica Ball Morrison said...

Oh I am so with your Rosaria. Had we not had responsibility for Jerry's elderly mother, Oregon would have been our choice too. The dilemma was the same, staying in CA meant we would have had to spend all we had acquired and all from selling out. So here we are in MN. We seldom saw hubby's son and family when in CA and well we lost our son in 20008, you know about that. DIL is a very clingly sort who stays with her own family...and yes they have their own life. So while we love this area with all it's beauty and access to parts east snd south to reach other friends, well, who knew. Yet most all our friends moved out of CA too, and today are scattered all over. We too thought we made the right choice to accommodate living a better quality of life.

dianefaith said...

We're considering the opposite move -- from a place that is beautiful and quiet to one in a small city, on a small lot, with plenty of noise. We haven't done it yet, but the possibility is strong. The draw is a six-year-old. There are always pros and cons.

troutbirder said...

Difficult choices indeed. With the passing of our eldest son and our remaining son moving far away in the desert we count on his occasional visits and our many closely and long established friends here in a small town in Bluff Country. We're satisfied with that and have begun downsizing....;)

troutbirder said...

We had similar choices and concerns and have opted to remain in our hometown now of some fifty years. We left the big city as young teachers and settled in rural Bluff Country where we remain content and downsizing in our retirement years...:_

Rian said...

Moving to a place you've dreamed about is such a wonderful thing... one that not everyone gets to do for reasons too numerous to mention... but still a great freedom! And yes, everything has a price. But you know, there's no guarantee that it would be any different even if everyone lived closer. And there's always the possibility of enjoying it now and going on to something else as the need arises.

yaya said...

Our second son lives in Beaverton, Ore, and we thought the area was beautiful. We do miss him and his family a lot. We will probably only get to see them once a year. They're flying out to Chicago in a few weeks where we'll meet and they can visit with my Mom and my daughter-in-law's sister who lives there. It's a balancing act for them and us. I wish we could fly out to see them more often, but it's expensive. I understand your dilemma with finding a place for kids to visit. Our kids are pretty busy with jobs, kid stuff, and everyday obligations. So even though the other boys live close, we go for weeks without seeing them. Crazy, I know but that's life I guess. I hope your family takes the time to visit you this summer and enjoy that beautiful area.

Meryl Baer said...

We moved from SE PA to the Jersey shore. We love it, but are unsure whether we will be here long-term. We love our life and home, but taxes eat us up. Our kids are in FL and VT. We enjoy life now, and will see what happens down the road...

erin said...

i wish you could fill the table for your lot weekly, rosaria. i know that would fill you. but i am glad that you have such a beautiful place to spend so much time. the natural world is so important to our wellness.

xo
erin

Linda Myers said...

Oddly comforting to know we're not the only ones who see our kids but rarely.

I am flying from Seattle to southern Oregon on Thursday evening to watch my older son graduate from nursing school. While there I will see my younger son who is driving down. He lives ten miles away, but I haven't seen him in three months. At least we will celebrate together.

Amanda said...

I would never get tired of seeing that seascape. The hill like formations remind me of the morros in San Luis Obispo and California's central coast.

Brian Miller said...

i think you found a beautiful place...and it def comes in trade offs like the kids not making it there as often but...i will one day go and seek mine...i am not there yet but i am here out of necessity...smiles.

Perpetua said...

This kind of thing happens only too often, Rosaria, whether you move to somewhere you hope the kids will visit, or move to live closer to them as some do. On the one hand, as you've found, their lives are too busy for them to visit your vacation place often and if you were to move closer to them, they could easily have to move elsewhere for work.

Once our children have flown the nest, we have to chose where we want to live for our own sakes and work on family contacts in other ways.

Nib's End said...

I suppose retirement for some folks is simply an exchange of one set of activities for another. Others, however, move over and let the youngers speed past as they race toward the crescendo of their own lives. Even though I am a tortoise, heart and soul, and prefer the slow lane, always, I don't know that my husband and I will ever retire unless there is a twist in the tale of our future.