Time and regrets.

My young nephew and niece in this photograph taken in 1970 have just recently gotten in touch with me. Actually, a son of the boy began to research, found my memoir blog and got in touch with me, someone he had never met, someone his father had met only once.

In this picture he sent me, I'm twenty seven years old returning to my homeland after an absence of ten years, all grown up, married and with a two-year old in tow, Pictured here are my nephew and niece, children of my eldest brother.

My niece and nephew, now in their fifties and forties, look today just as they did back then.

I, on the other hand am unrecognizable. I notice how much better looking I was back then! Why didn't I know that at that time? I only remember that I worried about my figure, my clothes, my lack of time, my lack of resources...

Do you feel that way looking back?
That somehow you were better looking and even happier than you remember you were?
That your life was more exciting and fulfilling than you thought it was at that time?

There I sat for this photo, preoccupied, in my own world, while the children, especially little Laura was so eager to accept me. I wish I had kept up with them after that visit; I wish my own children could have communicated across the ocean with their cousins.

Truth is that regrets come with age and usually too late for making amends.
Yet, while I have time on this earth I shall remind everyone of the following things:

1. You are most critical of yourself when you are young. Looking ahead, you'll appreciate yourself more.

2. Keep in touch with your loved ones; they are the ones who put their arms around you right away and are willing to take you in regardless of your worth.

May your holidays be with family and loved ones.

Free to define this Living

Writers and Artists Exchange-Port Orford, Or. 2013

For decades, on freeways and byways, driving miles and hours to and from work in the early and late hours of the day, I could only concentrate on two things, the road and the immediate problem facing me at the end of the trip.

Sometimes, the time that it took for me to drive, that distance, physical and emotional, between my problems and the rest of my life though long in miles and time, was enough to help me see that the bigger question was never asked; and the bigger decisions were never in my in-basket. I could only think of the most pressing tasks ahead, while the bigger things in life were deferred, day after day, months after months, decades after decades.

The bigger things in life moved at their own pace.

How and when did I define my life?
Did I contribute much to the direction my life took?
When did I have an opportunity to be bold and unafraid and state what was most important in my life?

By my count, five times stand as markers:
1. When I came to America
2. When I moved out to live on my own.
3.When I got married.
4.When we decided to quit our jobs and pursue higher education.
5. When we retired.


What do I wish I had done consciously during all those years of work?

1. Take sabbaticals.  I could have planned three to six months travel studies in all the major parts of the world. Our lives would have been enriched immensely.

2. Take more vacations.

3. Write

4. Learn to play an instrument

5. Pursue hobbies and other activities on my own, not just what my family needed from me.


How about you? Were you free and conscious of your decisions?

What I should have done more of...

All of a sudden, you are old. Oh, you saw it coming, but you thought you could beat it by sheer will, or luck.  You saw the years and decades accumulate and you kept hoping your luck would change soon.

Yes, you kept hoping the kids would graduate, get a job, settle down.
You kept hoping your figure would get back to the before stage.
You kept hoping your money, or whatever money you could put aside, kept growing and growing.

You turned the page one day and events got away from you. 

The last time I visited this couple, my little brother Luigi and his lovely wife, was ten years ago. He's now as old as I was then. My children are ten years older; my grandchild is a teen now, as tall as I am.

I miss him. I miss my other brother and his wife and children. I miss everyone I left behind. I should have kept in touch with all of them.
 I should have.

I always wanted to become skilled in music,  write a novel. I put off taking classes, joining groups. It took time I didn't have, energy I couldn't spare.  It took a level of passion I could only spend on my work.

Now  that my work is done, and my children are all grown and settled, the things I wanted to learn are not easy to learn at this stage.
The family I left behind is not easily reunited at this stage.
 I have the time, but do not have energy.
I cannot stir up the passion it takes to finish any task well.

All I can do is share this with you. There may not be any more energy or resources available to you in the future. Your health, your finances, your circumstances may not be there for you. 

Live as well as you can, right now. Live fully and have no regrets.