I think I'm still sane.

Remember Catch 22? The Book and the Movie?
The premise was a complex conundrum: if you know you are crazy, you are then not that crazy!

Does the same apply to sanity? If you think you are always sane, you might not be?

When you go through a major trauma, you question your own ability to cope with all that's demanded of you, all that you demand of yourself. Keeping on top of these demands, coping with all that you must do to carry on will tire you; will deflate you' will make you wonder if you can make it through;  it will ask you to think short term the entire time, knowing that if you think long term, you will break down.

The people affected by Sandy have experienced the unthinkable!
Every second, they are experiencing additional doses of trauma, pain -discomfort -fear.  They tell each other that they are still coping; they manage to find positives to talk about. Yet, hunger, cold, dirt, and the devastation in front of them numb all other sensations.

We cannot picture this if we have not experienced it ourselves.

This is hell.

It took us decades for my husband, Brian and I to recover from the Northridge Earthquake where we lost our house, its contents, our savings, our child's college fund, our investments. Thank God for FEMA, for SMall Business Administration, the National Guard, Churches, employers who extended their hands and helped us cope, and even mortgage holders who modified our payments until we could begin to collect insurance.

Do you think your bills will stop coming because you no longer have a home?

It took us years to recover, and we had insurance and savings. It took us decades to find our way back financially, emotionally, socially, and even career-wise.


Tomorrow, Sandy and its aftermath will not be in the news. Yet, the harm, the sheer destruction will take years and decades to be repaired. People's nerves and finances will take just as long.
If you know anyone in these straits, know that they need to talk; they need to know you are there for them; they need to explain to you the details of their discomfort; and you need to be a giving soul, attend to them as long as they need; as long as they are hurting. Banks and many institutions will need to be charitable and kind, assisting in many ways, offering options that have never been on the table for these people who have lost everything.

Saving Adolescent Girls

I read about the shock and awe we all feel when we listen to the lyrics of songs our children and grandchildren listen to. The concepts and the raw language we are subjected to are common fare everywhere on television, on MTV, on comedy shows, in movies.

We live in a world that has blurred all lines between adult fiction, and smut. Even very alert parents will not be alert enough to catch all that is going on. I remember when we screened what our children were exposed to. All of us did. Once, when my baby was very little, and I was still nursing her, we took her to see a rated R cartoon. I forgot the name of it; but we were refused entrance because of the child; and we sheepishly left, went home, and swore to ourselves we'd be better parents.

We are losing that battle. My concern is how our girls view their roles, or are coerced to take up roles to be popular, to remain in the group, to appear 'with it'.

I like Dr. Mary Pipher's thesis in Reviving Ophelia, a New York Times Bestsellers for years. She studied the problems girls are having with depression, anorexia, suicide attempts, and connects them to the way girls see their roles represented in the culture. Girls continue to struggle to find their true selves, playing different roles for different people and feeling as though their lives do no matter any more unless they please others, unless they look a certain way, unless they have certain things.

We all need to become advocates for healthy life styles, and healthy relationships. We must speak out whenever and where-ever we see sick practices.

The poisoning starts in adolescence and doesn't end there.

I read blogs of adult women still trying to be 'good', 'non-complaining', 'cheerful'. We are not fictional characters, people. We are made of flesh, blood, bones that break, muscles that ache, and are surrounded by families who, without skipping a beat, have enjoyed Mother in the role of the Martyr. Mothers have accepted such roles and feel guilty for not having achieved Sainthood, or lost enough weight to look as they did when they were in high school, or control every single drama life throws at the family. We are socialized to be everything to everybody.

Feminists, where have you gone? Why aren't educators doing more? Why are we not promoting mental health?